Living Life and Affirming Its Joy

 A posting today from Kathe ...

 

I went to the funeral of a dear friend on Tuesday – a fellow kidney patient that I thought the world of, a good man and truly a force of nature, who the last year or so lived largely by sheer will and determination.  In all the time I knew him, he relished life fully every single minute. It’s made me think about how we live this life we have; reminded me of some words of advice from an unlikely source on this subject: Pope Paul VI.

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.

The irony is that we DO know.  But we often go forward with the sense of having unlimited time, pretending, fooling ourselves, like we can somehow out maneuver our own mortality.

And yet, that is the gift of chronic illness that we don’t always think of as a gift; we have a keen awareness of this mortality of ours.  In fact, it is the very understanding of the finiteness of our lives that can help us make every day count.  We have the opportunity of really living life because we understand how precious it is, and we know enough not to waste any time.

So this is to affirm the pleasures of life, from the perspective of remembering how fleeting they can be, and given however much time any of us has.  Truth is - none of us really knows.  And there are lessons to be learned about living fully, with joy and making lasting memories, mindful of the numbering of our days.  Even with health considerations, we can make time for the things that are important and the things we really love.  If you have ever heard Randy Pausch’s "Last Lecture," you understand about living life every minute.  He said: "The key question to keep asking is: Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have ... and you may find one day that  you have less than you think."

Taking a spin on the recent book written by a palliative care nurse focused on regrets expressed by those who were terminally ill, it’s important to remember that there is never a need for regret. We can use past experiences to understand what changes we would like to make moving forward, to simply choose to do things in a different way, starting today. We can be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.  And we can choose to live life fully and with joy.  Some of things I’ve learned to keep in mind from my kidney friends, among others:

Live the life you want, not the life others expect

Honor your dreams and try to find ways to experience and achieve the things that are important to you.  You’ll be surprised at what you can do each and every day, but you won’t know until you try.

Being able to have productive work is good; but don’t make that the be all, end all.

It’s certainly necessary to earn a living and having work you enjoy that you feel contributes, is positive and enriches your life.  But keep your priorities straight, and don’t spend too much of your life on the treadmill of a work existence.

Have the courage to express your feelings.

Suppressing feelings in order to keep peace with others takes a toll. Being honest and saying what you need to allows you to be true to yourself.

Stay in touch with your friends.

Give friendships the time and effort that they deserve. The comfort that comes from common experiences and shared history is increasingly important as you go through life, and continuing to enjoy connections with friends is one of life’s great delights, and a great source of support through those tougher times.

Let yourself be happier.
 

Most people don’t realize that happiness is a choice. It allows us to each be fully who we are, to revel in our individuality, celebrate our quirks and foibles, laugh properly and have silliness in our lives again.  As they say, if you want to be happy, be.

This is a tribute to all those who have touched my life sharing this journey; those I still can spend time with, and especially here, those whose memories I celebrate every day.  I miss them ongoingly, and so wish they'd had more time. But I continue to live my life joyfully as they did theirs, mindful of these things I've learned from them.  So here’s to Lee ...  and to Ed, to Ron, Jerry, Jim, Ralph, Shawn, Carol, and Sherai – and so many others.  And to their loved ones still here - and mine - supportive, understanding and standing by - showing each of them and me, how love really is a verb. 

Finally, here’s to all the people in each of your lives, the ones here and those no longer with us; so long as we remember them, they will continue to remain with us.  And by their examples, they can help us live our best lives for the time we are here.

Please take care and stay well ...   enjoy your days ...